Dirty Laundry Live: Best jokes from the axed ABC TV show

Posted by Abbie Anker on Saturday, May 25, 2024

ONE of the wittiest shows on Australian TV has been axed.

The ABC panel quiz show Dirty Laundry Live won’t be returning for a fourth season.

The show’s host, Lawrence Mooney, dropped the bombshell on Hit105’s Stav, Abby & Osher this morning.

Dirty Laundry Live has been officially axed,” Mooney said on the breakfast radio show.

“This is the first time I’ve said it publicly. I’m OK, I’m fine ... It is not coming back on the ABC.”

Brooke Satchwell and a host of other Aussie stars such as Marty Sheargold, Josh Thomas, Eddie Perfect and Matt Okine appeared on the show and each week they pulled apart the major pop culture stories from around the world.

Here are some of the best jokes delivered by Mooney on Dirty Laundry Live (Warning: Some of these are offensive):

On Tony Abbott’s winking: When I saw the headline, “Tony Abbott Winks Over Pensioner”, I thought, that is one vowel away from being a VERY different headline.

Also on that wink: The public are really divided about Tony Abbott winking. Some people think Tony is a horrible sexist, but others think he’s a sleazy a***hole. Personally, I’m on the fence.

On Mel Doyle being fired by Sunrise: Mel Doyle was forced to leave Sunrise and given a $150,000 pay cut. Apparently, Mel got the bad news in a very sombre meeting with the cash cow.

On Budget cuts threatening Peppa Pig: When I first heard the ABC was axing a show starring a plump, pink, little pig, I thought, hang on, I’m doing an OK job.

On TV wars: Channel Seven is suing Channel Nine, accusing The Hotplate of copying the format of My Kitchen Rules. Meanwhile, Channel Ten’s The Spelling Bee is being sued by a steaming pile of horse s**t.

On Mel Gibson: Mel Gibson is in Australia to shoot a movie about World War II. The star hopes to shrug off the racist perception of him and be judged purely on his work. The film is called World War II: It Was the Jews’ Fault.

On the X Factor: A contestant on UK’s X Factor has been kicked off, after producers discovered she was a porn actress. They should have realised at the audition, when she said her “special talent” was “anal”.

On Kochie: On Sunrise this morning, host Samantha Armytage had a bucket of live cockroaches poured on her. The cockroaches were eventually cleared from the set, except for the bald one with glasses.

On gas mining: Former-rugby-star-turned-politician Glenn Lazarus has threatened to stick his finger up Tony Abbott’s backside if he doesn’t limit coal seam gas mining. So he plans to stop drilling for gas by … drilling for gas.

On Nick Kyrgios: Aussie tennis player Nick Kyrgios has revealed he likes having sex before a big game. I just hope he doesn’t finish by throwing his balls into the crowd.

On the Prince’s new job: Prince William has started his job as a rescue helicopter pilot. His tasks include helping stranded tourists, providing medical assistance and taking Bronwyn Bishop down to the shops.

On the most hated stars: And the list of Australia’s most hated celebrities is out, with Rolf Harris first, Tony Abbott second and Kyle Sandilands third. Tony would be happy with second, because you don’t want Rolf behind you, or Kyle on top of you.

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